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Parenting Your Children Positively: How To Stop Being Your Child’s Personal Servant

“My kids are lazy.”

“Why is it so hard for my daughter to keep her room clean?”

“It’s easier to avoid a fight and just do my kids’ chores for them.”

“If I let my kids clean up, I’m going to have to go back and redo things anyway…”

Have you ever had thoughts like these? I’m sure every parent has. So what to do?

How can you get your kids to help around the house and maybe even enjoy it?

Last Friday, a parent in my daughter’s first grade class asked me the following question:

“I’m thinking about giving my son some responsibility

or “chores” to teach him responsibility for himself and others and ownership. Do

Do you have any idea what would be appropriate for a 6 year old?…”

Ahhh…raising a responsible child. YES, I think giving children responsibilities

at an early age is great! If you haven’t started giving to your children

responsibility, start NOW!!

Children love to have structure in their lives, they may not always act like it

do, but studies have shown that structure and accountability are actually two

things that children long for in their daily lives. You can start from 18

months of age with responsibility. Now I know many of you are thinking,

Tammi is crazy, how can an 18 month old learn responsibility? An example of this

is when your child has finished playing with something ask them to help you choose it

up If there are blocks on the floor, say, “Can you help mom put one.”

blog in the box? Show them what you mean and get them to follow your lead.

Once your child has done this once, make a big deal out of it. Praise them, clap your hands

for them, give them a high five or a hug. Have fun with the fact that your child

he was just listening to you and helping you pick up a toy. You can not only use this time

as a time when responsibility is being taught, but a general time for

teaching For example, “Can you pick up a toy that’s red and put it on?

your basket? Not only are they cleaning, but they are working on the color,

number, shape recognition too. Make learning a game with your child

they will collect not only their toys but also essential academics.

For older kids, play the “I Spy” game with them. If your room is a

mess, get up there with them and say ‘I spy something green’. When they collect

the green item, say yes and keep it. Then have your child spy

something to pick and grab. Simple game that you can play

child and clean the room at the same time. The key to having one

a responsible child has expectations for them. They always will

what is asked of them? No, but always include them in family duties, not only

it teaches them responsibility, but it really makes them feel like they’re a part of it

family and that are important to you. The bonus here is that you can reach

Spend more time with your child in a positive way.

Here is a list of possible ideas for your children to help you:

From 4 years:

* Save toys (even if they are few at first)

* helping you save money. Give them the spoons to put in the drawer. (

of course, most won’t end up in the right place at first, but that’s okay)

* Have them help you with dinner (by putting dry ingredients into a recipe)

* Have them put kitchen towels or cloths in the drawer they can reach

* Have them put non-breakable items (fruit) in the fridge after grocery shopping

purchases

* Get them diapers or wipes you might need to change a younger sibling

* Have them push the chairs after dinner

* Give them a broom and ask them to sweep (again they won’t be good, though

praise them, they’re trying and that’s the most important thing)

5 years and over:

* Increase the frequency in which they are responsible for things

* Put your dirty dishes on the counter or rinse them in the sink

* Set the table (Have all the plates, utensils, cups, etc. out for them and have

they set the table)

* Have them sweep after dinner

*Empty part or all of the dishwasher or leave the dishes clean after doing them

washed

* Give water or food to a pet

* Clean your dirty clothes and make sure you put them in the right place

* Have them make their own bed (may not look like what you want, but fix it

later after they’ve left the room)

* Have them put away their backpack and coat after school

* Have them take out their clothes for school the next day

* Give them a Clorox wipe and have them clean the bathroom counters

* Give them a cloth with dusting product and have them dust all the furniture

at your level

The list is endless, be creative and mix it up every now and then.

I have found with my own children that I involve them more in my day to day life

activities, they are more willing to help me and not fight. The

the other night we were talking to our two older daughters (11 ½ and 10) and we said

once a week, we wanted them to help clean the kitchen after dinner. Well, ours

the youngest daughter (age 7) and she also wanted in on the action. While she

big sister rescued them, helped our 10 year old son to clean them all

kitchen They even put the extra food in the fridge with saran wrap. We

told both girls how proud we were of them and how special they made us feel

do something so nice for us. They were beaming from ear to ear. Later that

night, my husband was going to clean the bathroom floor and our youngest cam came in

and he said he wanted to, so there he was on his hands and knees scrubbing

on the bathroom floor. She did a great job and we were very proud of her

it was lots of praise and hugs and kisses. Now I would expect this from her weekly or

daily? No, but he was very proud of her and, more importantly, of her

Herself.

I know kids need expectations. Will they always welcome this?

No, but they actually expect that from their parents. Too many parents today

they want to be friends with their children and make their lives as easy as

possible Unfortunately, this is not the real world they will live in one day

in. Have expectations for your children and help them grow into responsible people.

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