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The Top Ten Relationship Experts
Most couples admit that maintaining a healthy relationship takes work. During these exciting early stages of dating, everyone wears their best party clothes. It can be hard to find fault with each other. These minor character flaws can be perceived as endearing or quirky at first. Six months later, they are called perpetually annoying habits or intolerable irritants.
When two people try to build on that initial happiness, problems can and do arise. Compromise becomes a necessity, and the stark reality of imperfection shines like a spotlight. Relationship experts say that people are rarely emotionally stagnant, even when they are one half of their ideal partner. Combine the challenges of routine life with some inevitable surprises, and the most stable of couples can sometimes find they need help.
Where do they go most often for relationship advice? After confiding in a trusted friend, but before seeking full professional advice, many will head straight for the self-help aisle of the bookstore. It’s an incredibly successful billion dollar industry aimed specifically at giving advice to people who are in love, out of love, or heartbroken.
The business now caters to relationship seekers, recovering divorcees and every other imaginable aspect of the mating dance. There is a do-it-yourself book for every relationship. Add in seminars, retreats, TV and radio shows, websites and audio books and you have a full-fledged empire.
Naming the most effective relationship experts would be difficult and subjective; but over the years a “Who’s Who” list has emerged. Each has a unique style and different claim to fame. His devoted audience is as varied as his credentials and techniques. From the conventional to the unusual, here is a list of the world’s most recognized names in the relationship counseling industry:
or Dr. Ruth Westheimer
The diminutive 80-year-old psychosexual therapist, known simply as “Dr. Ruth,” was one of the first people to bring frank discussions of human sexuality to the forefront and into the living room. His radio show, Sexually Speaking, which began as a call-in show for “after-hours” listeners, first aired in 1980. Since then, this icon has written numerous books, hosted the his own TV show, has released a number of games and videos and still operates his very popular website.
or Dr. Philip McGraw
“Dr. Phil” is sure to go down in history as a no-nonsense relationship expert and the epitome of personal branding at its best. McGraw burst onto the national scene making frequent guest appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show, where he was an instant hit with audiences. His common-sense approach to couples counseling, colorful euphemisms and “regular guy” appeal have earned the best-selling author a household name and the status of king of daytime television.
or Dr. John Gray
First it taught us that Venus and Mars were much more than planets and the mythological figures we thought they were. Her relationship philosophy and advice revolve around one basic premise: that men and women are inherently different, and the key to solving relationship problems lies in understanding and honoring those differences. According to his website, more than 40 million copies of his Venus-Mars series of books, printed in 45 languages, have been sold worldwide.
or John Welwood, Ph.D.
Welwood’s signature style of unraveling the mysteries of intimate relationships integrates traditional Western psychology with Eastern spiritual wisdom. He spent his early years as a philosophy student, including two years at the Sorbonne in Paris studying existentialist thought. In addition to being a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, Welwood is an award-winning author of a number of books on relationships. Journey of the Heart, Ordinary Magic and Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships: Healing the Heart Wound are among the most famous.
or David Deida
There’s no doubt that this New Age relationship guru has his share of controversy. His best-selling book has a title that practically jumps off the shelf: The Way of the Superior Man. One reviewer raved, calling it “a surprisingly practical guide to living a masculine life of integrity, authenticity, and freedom.” Another summed it up as “misogynistic tripe.” But Deida’s main critics point to his lack of credentials, insisting he has no formal degrees from an accredited institution. However, fans remain loyal. Deida’s spiritual relationship seminars for men, women and couples continue to sell out.
or Dr. John Gottman
Dr. Gottman is one of the most academically credentialed therapists on the list. As co-founder of the Gottman Institute in Seattle, he and his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, seek to help couples and for the institute to serve as a training ground for mental health professionals. The media dubbed his laboratory at the University of Washington the “Love Lab” because of his research on couple interactions. His scientific approach to predicting marital success is remarkable: Gottman is able to predict with more than 90% accuracy which couples will make it and which will not.
or Dr. Laura Schlessinger
“Dr. Laura” is the favorite of the most controversial psychotherapists ever to hang a roof. Some say she epitomizes anti-feminism, but after 30 years of hosting radio shows, she’s still immensely popular. Call listeners are familiar with his confrontational style of giving advice and his books are just as straightforward. Eleven of them have been regularly on the NY Time bestseller list. The first, Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives, debuted in 1994. The Brooklyn native earned her postdoctoral certification in marriage, family, and child counseling at the University of Southern California.
or Dr. Gary Smalley
He is the founder of the Today’s Family organization and the Smalley Relationship Center, a multipurpose family and marriage counseling center with a 14-point mission statement based on Christian doctrine. Over the past 35 years, Smalley has written books, conducted hundreds of marriage seminars, and reached conference audiences that now number in the millions. His famous award-winning infomercial, “Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships,” has been featured by celebrities such as Dick Clark and Frank and Kathie Lee Gifford.
or Dr. Neil Clark Warren
Many know Dr. Warren as the founder and spokesperson for eHarmony, but before launching the dating website in 2000, he spent 35 years practicing clinical psychology. After counseling thousands of married couples, he believed there was a better way to find a life partner without leaving it up to fate. Years of collaborative research with Dr. Galen Buckwalter gave rise to the widely publicized compatibility matching system. According to a 2007 Harris Interactive study, 236 eHarmony members marry each day in the United States after being matched on eHarmony.
or Dr. Gary Chapman
This marriage counselor, Baptist minister and radio talk show host has written more than 20 books since 1979. Of these, The Five Love Languages is his most famous. It states that as givers and receivers of love, we each express emotion differently. Chapman identifies these five “languages” as quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Therefore, understanding a partner’s love language will lead to effective communication. It is also the basis of his radio program, “A Love Language Minute,” which is broadcast on more than 100 stations in the United States.
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