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Grocery Shopping, Weekday Evenings and Other Family Hazards (Discipline With the Brain in Mind)
The best place to observe the wide range of parenting styles is any grocery store between the evening hours or between four and seven o’clock. Here you’ll hear a mother yelling at her whiny toddler, a father threatening to take away a privilege from his nine-year-old, another mother bribing her children with treats and sweets if her kids only cooperate so they can finish their task quickly, and finally another dad grabs his pre-teen by the jacket as he walks/pulls his son out of the store.
Do you want to improve your family life and your methods of discipline, even in the face of daily family hazards? Try to implement these two strategies based on brain function and human biology.
1. Eat, drink and breathe deeply.
The second worst time of day for every family is in the evening, when everyone transitions and shifts between busy day and evening. For most people, children and parents, it is physiologically when the body is tired, needs more energy from food and oxygen. Too often, parents choose this time to do necessary errands, including groceries. But neither children nor adults have the physiological stamina to handle this seemingly mundane task.
What is the solution ? Before going to the store, eat a snack, sing a song and dance a jig. Are you afraid of feeling stupid by adopting such stupid and childish behavior? Then drink a cup of herbal tea while your children drink a glass of milk and you all enjoy raisins and peanuts. Then do ten jumping jacks or play tag or musical chairs. If that doesn’t seem like your style either, create your own ritual. Just make sure you drink and eat a modest amount of nutritious food (too much sugar will only contribute to physiological drag) and engage in a moderate amount of deep breathing. With children, the best way to get them to breathe deeply is to play an active game for a short time. They will participate with pleasure! And if you can just relax a bit and play a game, you’ll not only improve your oxygen levels, but you’ll also inspire a lighter spirit.
Now you and your kids are ready for the challenge known as grocery shopping.
2. Choose an open position for growth and learning.
What you do and say puts your child in an open position for learning and growth, or protection. New research on the human cell has revealed that a cell can only be in one of two positions: protection or growth. And since the brain is a system of cooperative cells, the brain is then only in a position of protection or growth.
Have you ever wondered why you have to continually make the same kind of correction for your child’s repeated bad behavior? Are you tired of threatening or punishing your child, only to find you have to repeat the same process over and over? The reason is that you are using strategies that put your child under protection rather than asking him to grow and learn. Your child perceives your scolding, threat, or punishment as something he needs to protect himself from. He is not in the mindset to be open to learn and grow. Instead, he protects himself from you. It can be shocking to learn. The last thing you want is for your child to feel like they have to protect themselves from you! In many parenting situations, when you scold, threaten, or shame your child, you don’t even think of anything but trying to get your child to do what you want them to do. But your foolish behavior is perceived differently by your child. At the cellular level, your child believes he needs to be protected. He can accede to your request, but he hasn’t learned anything. His mind is in no condition to learn, grow and change. His mind just goes into protection. With this new information, you may be less surprised that you have to repeat the same correction, or threat, or punishment over and over again. Your child’s brain is not in a learning mindset.
What is the solution ? Stop doing the kinds of things your child perceives as threatening. Just ask your child what you want him to do, rather than trying to stop him from doing what you don’t want. “Sit down, please.” “Use your inner voice please.” “Hold my hand and walk with me please.” Can you see how each of these requests keeps a child in an open position for growth and learning rather than “Not Standing”. “Stop yelling and screaming.” “Do not run.” It is equally important to use a neutral, calm and friendly tone of voice. How you talk to your child is as important as what you say. Staying calm, friendly, and engaged with your child, even during non-verbal times, keeps you both in a state of openness and growth, rather than having to retreat into a protective state.
Now that you’re your kid, you’re ready to take on all the challenges you face at the grocery store and beyond.
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