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Single Parents – Helping Your Children Celebrate the Other Parent

Mother’s Day is in a few days. I wonder where are you at in the divorce process? Are you about to start or have you just signed the final papers? Divorce is stressful, painful and a difficult process. Emotions and feelings can be everywhere. As much as you would have hoped for an amicable divorce, your relationship with your ex-spouse may be less than pleasant right now.

If you are a parent with children living at home, you must now learn how to co-parent with your ex-spouse. The fact remains that your children will always have a biological father and a biological mother. Parents can become so wrapped up in emotions, feelings of rejection, betrayal, fear, coping with change that they become self-absorbed and overlook the impact of divorce on children. How we as parents handle the divorce and our relationship with the other parent will greatly determine the impact of the divorce on our children..

As a parent, it is our duty to help our children celebrate the other parent’s holidays and birthdays. I know it can be difficult, especially when the divorce is recent. Still, it’s time to put personal feelings aside and do what’s best for the kids. I beg of you not to put your children at the center of your problems, your problems and any negative feelings you may have towards the other parent. The best thing you can do for your children (in most cases) is to support them and help them honor and celebrate the other parent.

If you’re a single dad, how you help your kids celebrate Mother’s Day may prioritize what their mom will do to help them celebrate the upcoming Father’s Day. Birthdays and holidays will also require the help of parents. Obviously, younger children will need more help than older children.

Here are some tips on how single parents can help children celebrate and honor the other parent:

1. Remind children of upcoming holidays, such as Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, a birthday, and the day/date.

2. Ask the children what they would like to do for the other parent or what they would have planned if they are older children.

3. Ask questions to find out if they need your help and if so, how you could help them. If their plan or idea is unreasonable, help them come up with another more reasonable/doable plan or idea. You obviously know the other parent. If necessary, you can come up with a list of ideas and then help the child or children choose one.

4. Be sure to make yourself available to take the child or children to purchase any gift, card or items they may need to make a gift or card. Young children may need more guidance and help than older children.

5. You can set a budgeted amount and let the child or children know how much money they can spend. This can help narrow down the options.

6. Encourage the child to do “Something.” Some children are more creative than others, some children like to buy or give presents, and other children rely on their parents to take care of their presents.

What was your family practice in the past? Be reasonable. If you have handled the giving process or celebration in the past, your child or children will most likely expect you to help or need you now. Given the circumstances, if you had some traditions in the past that no longer make sense, then help the children find a new tradition or change the old one.

As a parent, do not place all the responsibility on the child or children regarding how to celebrate Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, birthdays or holidays. If your children are older teenagers and you think they can handle the responsibility, check with them. Make sure the kids remember the holiday or birthday and have a plan.

If children sense or are aware of a conflict between their parents, they may be reluctant to ask for your help. It’s up to you to offer and let them know you’re willing and open to help. I encourage you to put aside your differences and help your children even when it’s hard. You have no control over your ex-partner and whether or not he helps the children when it comes to doing things for you. You help your children because it’s the right thing to do and because it’s for your children.

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